Save the Homeless

The world just asks too much from the homeless or at least this is something my corporation believes.

This little gem of information was included in a very long, and possibly Dilbert inspired, company-wide email detailing how the company wants the workers to form work groups to figure out better ways to recycle:

There are shelters throughout NY that we can donate cans to and who sell the aluminum to get money for food for the homeless. We just need researchers in this area. It is hard to have them pick up cans and bottles but I am sure I can convince one of my suppliers to volunteer to deliver to a shelter every other month.

I guess walking around the city picking up the damn cans themselves is just to taxing for the average homeless guy so instead we will spend money delivering the cans to homeless shelters so they can give them to the deadbeats directly. Collecting cans is the only thing these people do that comes close to resembling work, won't these guys suffer from low self esteem if we take away their jobs?

Perhaps my firm is just being humane. I walk by several of these guys every morning on the way to workand by 8:30am they are busy downing their Old English 40s. I guess it is hard for them to get up and gather cans after say 9am or so. I know looking for cans is the last thing I would want to do while whacked on really bad malt liquor. (Is there really good malt liquor?)

To help right this wrong, I'm going to join one of these recycling teams and make the following suggestions.

1. Have everyone throw the cans out the windows so the bums can just pick them off the street eliminating the need to truck them over there. Less green house gases this way.
2. Give out bags of nickels, the value of a can, to the bums thus eliminating the middle man.
3. By the 40s and have the employees hand them out at 8am every morning to the bums down the block.
4. Serve the 40s in the building's lobby so the bums can drink in air conditioned comfort.