The 15 Things I Would Do If President

Just because I have nothing to do for the moment, here is my 15-step plan for solving most of the worlds problems....

I would go on national TV and explain to everyone why we are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan and why Hezbollah must be destroyed. I would tell the audience that we are involved in a war of national survival. Islamic fundamentalists want us dead or converted to Islam. Period. They have stated that fact in so many words, but the world simply has not taken them seriously.

Figure out a way to have Congress officially declare war on terrorism. Then the nation should go onto a war footing a la WWII.

Open up every oil and gas field on U.S. territory, while pushing for more nuclear power plants and better alternative fuel ideas, not just ethanol, which studies show will never fulfill our needs.

I would require national gas mileage standards for all vehicle types.

I would let Israel do whatever it wants to the Palestinian and Hezbollah terrorists. If the EU screams, don't listen.

I would tell Kofi Anan that he has 60 minutes to resign as head of the UN or the U.S. will leave that organization in 61 minutes. After 62 minutes are up I would pull out of the UN whether he quits or not.

I would abandon the No Child Left Behind Act. It is foolish to believe that every child can reach the same educational level. Some people are simply smarter then others and by forcing equality you lower the chances of the smart kids getting ahead in the world.

I would tell Pakistan it's time to allow our troops to search anywhere in that country for bin Laden. We all know he is there.

I would stop Saddam Hussein's trial after this first case is completed and just shoot him. He does not deserve a world stage to posture.

I would hold a joint session of Congress and tell the collected representatives that the vast majority of them are doing a rotten job. Not only are they driving the country apart with partisan politics, but they are blowing to much money. I would demand a line item veto, if refused I would set up a 5-person panel to review every line in the budget and then publish on the web how individual senators and representatives are wasting tax dollars. Perhaps public humiliation and getting voted out of office would slow the spending.

I would tell the Iranian leadership that if a nuclear weapon goes off anywhere in the world we will consider it an attack by Iran on the U.S. and will retalliate in kind.

I would push to further develop missile defense systems so we can shoot down North Korean missiles 10 seconds after the launch. This way the flaming wreckage will fall on their heads. Also, I would stop all NK ships at sea for inspection, stop sending fuel and food. Then I will wait for Kim to die or be killed by his starving peasants.

I would recognize Taiwan as an independent nation. When China cries and threatens invasion we can tell them to grow up or suffer a trade embargo with the U.S.

I would repeal most farm subsidies.

And no list would be complete with out ordering the repeal of the designated hitter rule.